The Good,The Bad & the Ugly!!

Hey, I am not discussing the western cult movie here.... I am writing on certain happenings in my life...Part of my endeavour to learn from the past & letting it go completely...It’s often said first impression is the last impression…What we perceive about a person at first instance, influences all our future interactions… but is it correct to judge a person at the first instance?

My blog entry is about perception or rather to be more precise polarity of judgements. How this came about?? Well, a couple of weeks back, my boss told me that I am a very perceptive person, she meant to say I have this ability to understand people very easily (plz don’t take this to a self-praise article!).Obviously, I was very pleased with the compliment…But a couple of things happened at the beginning of this month, which made me question my own ability to judge people…First, a misplaced trust in a person whom I thought to be a very good friend for a couple of years & whom I had really admired from our first meeting, but who didn’t think twice before hurting me badly & later on, another person, whom I had dismissed as having a very frivolous nature on our second meeting (our first meeting didn’t last for more than a couple of minutes), but who really helped me keep my spirits up at a stage when the chips were completely down…Ironical, ain’t it??

When I was musing over these instances today, I was stuck by a related thought: that often we take an extreme view about a person, thing, idea or event on our first acquaintance or on their first occurrence- be it good or bad. But we often forget that our judgement is only relative to what seems to appear to us. And when we judge other people or ideas, in relation to this perception, we are actually doing injustice to them as we may be actually erring in our original perception [Sounds confusing, does it?] Let me simplify it...For eg. When I say that a particular idea as difficult, I am judging that idea in relation to some other idea, which I have already judged it to be easy…But what If I was erring in originally estimating the other idea as easy? Then isn’t my judging this idea as difficult incorrect? This is what I mean by polarity of judgement.

The following extract from Tao Te Ching (The Book of The Way) by Lao-Tzu [This book is an entire philosophy in itself] sums up the paradox:

When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad

Being and non-being create each other
Difficult and easy support each other
Long and short define each other
High and low depend on each other
Before and after follow each other

I realized that we should really appreciate our perception, but keep an objective mind that our perception can be faulty… True good & bad things are much deeper than the picture we have formed in our mind. And maybe this idea will prevent me making such errors of judgement in the future…

The Realisation

A very beautiful thing has happened in the last few days..After a very long time, I am feeling that I am at peace… At peace with myself & with others… It is a similar feeling to having come home after staying away for a long time…To put it poetically, Jaise Manzilon ko Saahil mil raha hai…

As I had mentioned earlier too, I had been feeling quite restless the last couple of months… I was pushing myself hard, trying to find that elusive ‘something’… Then a couple of days back I read a wonderful book called “The Present” by Dr. Spencer Johnson (the author of Who moved my Cheese). In the middle of that same night, in a sleeplessness induced soul-searching exercise I suddenly realized that the maybe on reading the book, I had inadvertently stumbled on something monumental. No, I had not found or even realized what I was seeking. But I realized that in pursuit of that ‘something’, I was loosing out on the most important thing: My Present…I realized that I had stopped enjoying what I was doing at that moment; stopped appreciating the smaller joys of life, in search of the bigger ones…That was the moment I also realized that I had been dwelling too much in the past & worrying too much about the future. And once that realization came, I decided to work on it…to gift myself my present!

That night I decided to live for the moment…to learn from my past, but to let it stay where it belongs- the past & not let it encroach on my present. Also have decided to stop worrying about the future, yet plan to enjoy my present activities in such a way, that I am ensured of a good future…I know that, it’s easier said than done… but believe me, when I say, that when u start implementing this, its not that difficult either!

My decision (not calling it a resolution; as resolutions are meant to be broken) made, I stirred myself from my musings. Went outside to the balcony & really Looked at the sleepy night skyline…After a long time, I appreciated the silhouette of the coconut tree branches against the burgeoning dark sky & the birds’ late night chirping… And all of a sudden, I became aware of so many things that had been right in front of me, but was too obtuse to notice or feel all along… Finally, could appreciate what the book was telling me:

The Present
Is not the Past And
Is not the Future.

The Present is
The Present Moment!

The Present is Now!

Being Single- Part II

In an earlier post on my previous blog, I had lamented the fact that the only problem of being single in a group full of committed people is that u don't have a friend to spend ur weekend with...That was before i came across another 'side-effect' of being single....

What to say...it's the marriage season! Everybody (well almost!) seems to be getting married; if not atleast getting hooked up..there has been a spurt of 'committed' status on orkut amongst my friends lately...Gud for them! But the general season of bon-homie & love has huge repercussions on singletons like me... Till today, it was only my aunts doing match-making for me (generally at family/relatives weddings; a gud reason why i have been altogether avoiding weddings of lately!), but now i find even these 'committed' friends of mine have joined the bandwagon...Hmm, I wonder, is this a case of "Hum to dube hain sanam, tumko bhi le dubenge"?? :)

We attended the first wedding amongst my CA group last week.... From the time my mom heard the news of this close friend of mine getting married, she had perked up all of a sudden...There seemed to be a new purpose in her gait the last few days... her eyes had been shining with a new glint whenever she looked at me (Not exactly, thats my imagination running overwild!)...Nd her behaviour too towards me suddenly seemed to have undergone a metamorphasis; she had been inordinately sweet to me the whole week (P.S. she even turned a blind eye to the mess I had made of my cupboard last week, IMAGINE THAT!) All of which made me suspect, something's definately cooking....

And I was right (take a bow, Sherlock Holmes!), it had to Happen....this last Sunday, my mom's best friend, Usha Kaku was visiting us, both of them engaged in their weekly gup-shup (a mild word for their gossipping sessions). Suddenly my aunt turned towards poor 'ol me (i was reading a gud novel with the afternoon cuppa) & said " So, what are u planning to do in the future?" I briefly raised my head to say "Nothing...Office is going on & planning to give a couple of exams in Jan, probably" My aunt got bugged & said " You & ur studies...Planning to study ur entire life or what... Its time u start thinking about ur life. This is the right age for girls to get married. "(Never mind the fact, that my CA studies are not yet finished, per se!) I stared at my Mom as if to say " whats the point in all this?" Mom got up & said "Well, there is this Masters guy living in Los Angeles who has come down to Mumbai..."

Bas, khattam... Every strange thing that was going on, fell in place... I put my foot down, specifying in no uncertain terms that i don't have any intention to get hitched in the near future...Felt bad seeing their crestfallen faces, but I guess, sometimes u have to do, what u have to do, right!

Well, after that everything is back to status quo... Got a scolding from my Mom yesterday as soon I came from office, regarding the forsaken cupboard... But, what the heck, it was the first time i didn't mind that... Infact, I absolutely loved it!!

Sab kuch Chalta hai!!

Read this on Ujjwal Banerjee's (Lead India finalist) blog at http://lead.timesofindia.com/Ujjwal_Banerjee.asp?pid=28. Very thought-provoking. Reproducing it here:

"Chalta Hai' nahin chalega

The day my nation adopted or rather accepted the vice of chalta hai, we opened our windows to all kinds of debilitating practices.

We started spitting on the road, pissing by the side walls. Getting away by paying a fraction of the penalty for unlawful activities, became a subject of jest. Coming late to meetings got converted to the stale joke of Indian Stretchable Time. Using deceit in competition became a mark of ambition. Holidaying at the nearest picnic spot on the day of election, littering on the streets by taking our hand out of a Honda City, started sharing e-mails on how the select section of our brethren speak English and everything and anything.

The danger with this attitude is that it allows us to accept anything and everything which a more advanced nation would frown at. Gradually it reduces the shock value of things and acts as a nice tranquilizer and we stop getting angry at the above mentioned things. This attitude of chalta hai has done more harm to this nation than perhaps anything else. How can we assume a Shanghai out of Mumbai or any other transformation of sorts unless we start checking these things within and without!!!

The belief (which I have found in a lot of people) that we have rights and government has duties is a statement smacking of sheer arrogance and is to a large extent suicidal for overall development. As responsible citizens we have to settle for nothing but excellence in our day to day activities. Be it turning to the polling booth in largest number or mainting our nation clean.

We, as a nation have immense potential- we just cant allow it degenerate into mediocrity If we want our corporates to compete with the Apples and Googles of the world or want our government to match our infrastructure to Shanghai or for that matter see our atheletes match up to the mettle of their western counterparts, only excellence in attitude would be the key.

Chalta hai nahin chalega."

Ujjwal has hit the nail on its head..It's precisely this Chalta hai attitude that has been the bane of our problems...an attitude which distinguishes India from the West. This attitude has reared its ugly head from time to time. How then else can we justify the fact that the day after the train serial blasts in Mumbai last year, the whole city was on its feet, pretendingly unfazed by the loss of life? Some people hailed such attitude as 'resilience of a Mumbaikar'.For me its sheer indifference.

For years, a moot point which had stopped FIIs from taking advantage of our strengths was the perception that India is mired in red-tapism & 'Babudom' - a direct fallout from the chalta hai attitude. Its only after myriad efforts on many fronts, has this perception lessened to an extent.

As India is poised for its correct place as a superpower, its high time we recognise this bogey which is pulling us down & take corrective steps.

Yun hota hai to kyu hota hai?

I have an unfortunate tendency to be in the centre of everybody's eye wherever I go...Dont think i m boasting... Nd I dont mean by virtue of my beauty or my magnetic personality (no illusions on that score!!)....but somehow or the other, freak accidents or incidents have a higher chance of occurence with me rather than any other person, which propels me to be the cynosure of everybody's eye wherever I go. As a friend has put it...Yaar, Veekay ke saath hamesha kuch na kuch hota hai!! All of which prompted me to conduct a scientific study on the subject, titled: Yun hota hai to kyu hota hai? :)

Observation 1: My accident rate is inversely proportional to innocuousness of the place of visit. The freakiest, bizzarest incidents have occured to me at the most innocuous place of all- Movie Theatre!!

Observation 2: My accident rate is higher when I wear clothes of white colour!

Consider this circumstantial evidence:
1. Had gone to this movie (Cheeni kum) with friends, a couple of months back at Andheri..was wearing a flowery white t-shirt...Got some veg-puffs during the break which we ate during the second half.. . After the movie, noticed that the packaging of the puff was faulty & all the masala & sauce had dripped down on my white top....making a huge mess & a colorful design on my top....YUCK!! Had to go & buy a brand new T-shirt at the Shoppers Stop so that could atleast reach home without being the cynosure of all eyes!

2. Had gone to Om Shanti Om 2 weeks back (P.S. Bakwaas movie!! Aur ek baar 'chutki bhar sindur..' ka dialogue sunti to jiska movie ka idea tha uske saare baal noch leti), unfortunately with the same group of friends... Movie was accident free...but outside the movie hall tripped over NOTHING (thats the height!) & fell & twisted my ankle, prompting my friend to make the above-mentioned dialogue..Nd u guessed it right, was wearing a white shirt at that time!!

3. Went to Matheran last week with my group...Was wearing a blue & white shirt.. Poora din kuch nahi hua tha...At around 5.30 p.m. while going to Luisana point a monkey attacked a friend who was wearing a straw hat, she screamed & somebody panicked & threw a stick at it...Bas, phir kya, the monkey got incensed & attacked the entire group...everybody made a run for it...guess who couldnt run bcoz of the twisted ankle, ya, it was god' ol Me....The monkey & me face to face...The monkey making, well, monkey faces at me & baring its teeth & me having been stunned into being a statue by the suddenness of all this... Fortunately Sandy (a friend) got the bright idea of distracting this monkey & threw his bag near the monkey...the monkey got distracted & i escaped!! But wait, the story doesnt end here...Sandy later on realised that the bag he had thrown at the monkey contained his cell phone ... how we later on retrieved the cell phone & the bag is an altogether difft story...

Conclusion:
Based on the above facts, it is concluded, mera saath kabki bhi, kuch bhi ho sakta hai...But surmise, I have decided NEVER to wear white on any group outing again...

Taxing Matters....

Sometime back, my cousin posted a wonderful post on his blog Jidnyase in which he touched upon a topic which has fascinated me the most for a very long time now- The right of a common man to dictate the end use spending of his hard-earned money taken away from him in the form of taxes. Embarking upon a related topic now- the topic of private ownership v/s public spending. In short the age old debate of capitalism v/s socialism.

Time & again this conflict has raised its ugly head in the context of mankind. Take the recent example of Nandigram, an issue which to my opinion, has been sadly blown completely out of context due to political interference, resulting into disastrous consequences. But the moot-point here remains the mid-point of “to what extent can the rich go on to continue to build on their riches trampling on the fundamental needs of the poor” & “ to what extent can we begrudge the rich their wealth borne out of their entrepreneur skills”. In other words, there should be properly threshold by which neither party is felt threatened, neither the common man for earning his livelihood & neither the entrepreneur for earning his riches by use of his skills. But the problem lies in the definition & the sustainability of this threshold.

Was discussing the same situation vis-à-vis the capitalism v/s socialism angle with a colleague the other day in office. Now my friend, with a family business background, is an unabashed capitalist. “Modern world is a jungle”, he intoned during our discussion “and the rule of the jungle is survival of the fittest”. Hearing his speech, my mind easily slipped away from the present to the pages of Ayn Rand. It was as if I could practically visualize the protagonist of Atlas Shrugged Hank Reardon defending his philosophy before a court: "I refuse to apologize for my ability – I refuse to apologize for my success – I refuse to apologize for my money."

Fair enough…many of us will object to my colleague’s views (at least he had the gumption to display such controversial views openly!!),keep aside land acquisitions, but aren’t their many of us who go to huge lengths to plan our taxes… Fact remains that much as we sympathize with the plight of the poor, when the time comes to shell out our hard-earned money from our own pockets for the welfare of the poor, we feel the pinch. But the moot question here for all of us to answer is how comfortable we are with the fact that we are comfortable and well fed while all around us people are starving. And that is a call every person has to take individually….